Thursday, June 19, 2014

The state that I'm in

So I'm not sure who's been paying attention as of late (I say this honestly, not in a desperate bid for assurance) but I haven't been doing a terribly good job of maintaining this blog for the past few weeks. In an attempt to break my radio silence, I feel somewhat obligated to offer up an explanation, even if I've tried to keep most personal things out of this blog to strictly focus on my bookish and foodly interests. 

I have not been myself lately. To elaborate, I have little interest in things that are neither wine nor fueling my recent but enthusiastically nurtured fondness for Bloody Marys (I mean, aside from cuddling with my adorable dog and gearing up for this year's very celebratory wedding season). Reading has been an absolute chore: While I've faced down reading slumps before, none have been as persistent and long-running as this current bout of readerly apathy. As a result, I've dialed way back on my book reviews because I do not feel it is fair to whatever thing I'm reading to sludge through it just for the sake of pooping out a half-hearted review.

This all stems from how vehemently and bitterly I hate my job. I've been at my current place of employment for a skosh more than five years and have wanted out for a staggering majority of that time. It took me a long time to realize that I am burned out in ways I've never before experienced, as I was loathe to confess I'd let myself get this badly beaten down and disenchanted with the things I usually love because of what comes down to a miserably acquired paycheck.

So it is with great pleasure that I can say, as of last night, my days at this job are numbered. I'll be embarking upon a new occupational adventure two days after I get the unique honor of standing up as matron of honor for my best friend, with the day of her wedding rehearsal being my last-ever day at a place that has both warped my personality and left me stewing in a small pond of previously unexplored emotionally toxic levels. While I am not allowed to go into greater detail about what my new job is 'til July 3, I am too filled with relief, unbridled joy and a return to the person I know I really am to keep this all to myself. I may explode from happiness, which is a sensation that has grown far too alien these past few months (or years, if I'm being brutally honest).

I look forward to whatever the future holds, especially in terms of getting back to the things and people from which I derive the greatest delights. Be well, and expect a return to form as soon as this most unfamiliar state of welcome chaos abates.

7 comments:

  1. Glad to hear it! I hope the new job is all you could ever want it to be. Working some place you hate is soul-deadening. I remember it well.

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    1. Thanks so much, Megan! Yes, there is nothing so joy-crushing as trudging through a job you despise with every inch of your being. I'm glad it sounds like that particular hell is just a memory for you, though, I for-reals cannot WAIT to be overwhelmed with learning an entirely new job in an industry I know nothing about (though it will be a lot of writing and editing, which I'm totally down with). I miss intellectual challenges in the worst way.

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  2. Yay! Congrats! I think I'm going thru the same thing. I effin' HATE my job. I just get home everyday and slump into a blob because I'm so exhausted, mentally and physically. So I end up sound none of the thing I like or want to do. Anywho... I'm glad you'll be free soon. Take care.

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    1. Thank you lots, 'Nando!

      I absolutely identify with everything you wrote here. I pretty much come home and turn to mush because, yeah, the mental exertion of forcing yourself through another shitastic day gets to be too much too quickly.

      I loved what you wrote on FB the other day and am so excited for you to take the steps necessary to be moving in a direction with your life that makes you happy. Thriving is so much better than surviving.

      See you next Wednesday! Don't forget your dancing shoes. :)

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  3. I already commented on your FB post about this, but once again I'll say it - eeek! I've only ever had an online peek at your life but I have definitely noticed a change in you from this job and I hate it. You are a brilliant, talented, beautiful woman who deserves the best in life and that job was sucking the life out of you. I'm so glad you have found a new adventure. Lots of love.

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    1. Aw, girlcrush, thank you so much. You're the best kind of proof that Internet Chums are just as crucial to making life a better place as IRL pals are.

      It's funny how many people have been telling me that I've changed for the worst since taking on this job. I'm so relieved that I'm not just imagining this, and that it means other people understand how close to the end of my sanity I was getting here. I can't wait to be 100% me again.

      I love you back, always and epically. <3

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  4. I've been waiting to write on this post because I wanted to know more about your new job (it's now after July 3). Do you think your reader apathy stems from just your job, or the "job" that can be writing reviews? Your reviews are SO thorough that you put many of us to shame. I even recommended one of your reviews for a contest (be book reviews online, judged by Jance Lee of HTML Giant). I hope you can find a book that inspires you to love reading. I have a few tours coming up later (in September/November) and, if you would like, I can set you up with reviewer's copies. xoxo

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